Broken Toolbox Drawer.

 I don't sleep well. I wake up and lay in bed for hours, mainly worrying about my kids and about politics and often bout small meaningless things that during daylight hours I would laugh at their insignificance. In additive, I get less sleep than I should. It makes for  groggy days with poor decision making skills. Today, I took an hour long nap at 10:00AM. This also creates a fertile environment for depression, and anxiety. i was getting something out of my toolbox drawer this morning, and the drawer jammed, it would not close. They are narrow drawers and the lower drawer's  contents (chisels in this case) can shift and stop the upper from being pushed in.  In my sleep deprived state, I could not figure the problem out and while if  I thought about it, there were several things I should have done to attempt to clear the blockage. I didn't.  In a fit of cloudy thinking and negative impulse control, I destroyed it and yanked the stuck drawer out by the roots. A flashlight and a screwdriver would have revealed a chisel handle had popped up and blocked the upper drawer. The toolbox is not an heirloom or that important to me, but my lack of mental problem solving is. I don't know where this will take me but it makes me sad.

The real matter at hand is not a broken tool box drawer, it's much more than that. I am to turn sixty four next week and the overwhelming feeling is that I have missed the target and sailed far out into the stratosphere. As long as I can remember I have felt like I was outside watching the real party take place from the window on the sidewalk. Everything was so close but not for me. I can not go back and slightly correct my trajectory or when or if the shot was taken, I can only watch as the intended target drifts ever farther away. I am not an idiot, I know I have it good, but it is bittersweet to look back with regret.