Bad Things.

Something horrible happened to the son of a friend. Something thats caused me to rethink my own kid's lives and mental states, as well as my own history and memory of difficult times.  In interest of privacy there will be no discussion of the incident, except to say it happened to a family that has always seemed very normal and friendly in the most interesting ways. I know several brothers, all of whom are at times brilliant and funny and weird. They themselves had a strange upbringing and I have always been amazed at how resilient they have been and how they took the very strangeness of their family and turned it into the source of their strength. That something like this should happen to one of their offspring is a gut punch. I wish the poor kid well, and a speedy recovery. I think about how I needle and push my sons to excel (or even just to actively participate) and the grim silence that follows.
 Nothing could be worse than the feeling that your kid has done something to themselves that took them from you.

Nothing.

College cost money...Money scarce...Bad thoughts....Happy Unicorns!

It's a well known fact. Money is hard to get for me. I am bad with saving it. I am generally skill free so making it is sometimes difficult. I am the father of two young men who will benefit greatly from high book learning, so I am going to have what money I do have, taken from me by higher book learning establishments. I was sad this morning when I realized if I were dead, that their college experience might be paid for more consistently through my life insurance. I then realized that this might be a sacrifice a dad might be expected to make...but I would have to die naturally and....At that point I realized that it might be easier to do some marketing or call some people to get more work. Dying to finance college seemed a bad longterm financial plan. It made me laugh eventually and it was not cause for the suicide prevention hotline.

Frankly, I love my kids but they can get a loan. Being dead would suck and not worth a college education.

Child going to college: A joyless spiral of despair?

Ned has finally chosen a college: he will be going to the University of Washington. No laughter or high fives, just glum acceptance and weary paperwork. It was not as if he had won a car on "the Price Is Right" or a lifetime pass to a waterpark. It was like he had enlisted in the army and was now resigned to his fate.  I think he will miss his friends and his present life and doesn't yet see the possibility of his new life. He will be living in the same town and is just a short bus ride away from home cooking, his annoying little brother and free wifi.  Yet, like a true Sander, he sees only the glass half empty and the burden of uncertainty.