We did have a screening. On a cold and icy night in December 2022. This is what I wrote about it afterwards. My heart was full and for a couple days I was happy.
About the other night:
The Re-Premiere of "Milk of Amnesia" to most attendees was probably just a quaint and mostly insignificant 1990s nostalgia ride. To myself and my co-producer and partner Laurie (La Sander) it was much more: it was a reintroduction to an old friend, and the overdue forgiveness of their flaws. That old friend was of course, the film itself, "Milk of Amnesia", the recipient of our unrequited love and most of our disposable income from 1991 to 1995 - sort of like an inanimate and troubled child or a really beloved pet with a chronic skin disease. I don't think I had watched the film in its entirety in 15 years- Laurie, probably longer. Even in the restoration and retransfer I successfully only watched it in small parts. My flesh would crawl at certain lines and all I could see is how I could have done better. There were memories of arguments and disagreements about creative choices and about money. There was the overwhelming feeling that we owed the army of friends, acquaintances, family and the unknown number of extras and assistants some kind of success, that never materialized. "Milk of Amnesia's" exile to its resting place under our stairs was as much the punishment of a disappointed parent as it was storage. Seeing it again, with an audience, after so many years, in the presence of many of the original cast and crew, (most of whom laughed in the right spots and seemed to like it for what it was), felt like it lifted a curse. In 1991, this film was going to be the launching point of our career in independent film. Instead the debt it left became the reason to keep the day job. The life that followed has been truly wonderful, and to whatever degree "MoA" propelled us in that direction through its failure, we should thank it for that. And yet, always in the back of my mind, I bore a grudge...until the other night.
It is not a perfect film or probably really a very good one, but like a strange, misshapen, mutant cartoon character, you can love it in spite of its obvious flaws. Watching from the back of the house, holding hands with my fellow producer, that is what happened to me: "Milk of Amnesia" and I forgave one another. I am proud of the hubris that a guy with a Film and TV degree from a Montana Agricultural college and my co-producer, a Drama major / IATSE Projectionist could team up and at least give it a shot. I encourage everyone to forgive, and give whatever brings you joy a shot.
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